Bila paling tua je mesti kena galas tanggungjawab from yang lagi tua and kena take care yang paling muda. Especially when you anak perempuan sulung. You are soo lucky if your life as a big sis is soo great. No pressure from you parents or from you siblings.

 Since my age 6 years old, i already galas tanggungjawab as kakak. Since that age i start to learn not to think about myself and just be the best for both of my parents. They always want me to be what they want me to be. If they want me to be a good sis, i need to be a good sis. If they want me to be a good daughter, i will be the good daughter they want. But still...it still not enough i guess. Even when i try my best to be a good daughter and good sister it still not enough. Cause once i can't control my anger they will list all out my mistakes that i had done before. Like it was not enough.  Like the only thing i did is a mistakes and nothing good. Like i never make them proud.

Im only a human being, im only a normal daughter, i am only a normal big sister who can do mistakes. I am only someone who have anger. I already do the best to be what they want me to be. Why it still not enough?

Should i create more characters inside me. Someone who never ada perasaan marah ? Someone who never talked back bila kena marah atas kesalahan yang bukan salah aku ? Should i be that kind of person again? Should i stop being truth about myself ? Should i stop being me ?

Tell me that i have done the best. Tell me that everythings that i did is already good enough. Tell me that i have been a good daughter in this family. Tell me that you are proud to have me as your big sis. Tell me that.......i can be a good daughter and big sis.. just tell me i already have done everything that you want me to do...

Tell me to take a rest and just be myself. Even for awhile.  Cause i know my responsibility is to be the best daughter and sister that this family ever have. I can do that. Just please stop make me feel like i have done nothing in this family except mistakes.

Just tell me...
Just that i want to hear....